Having lots of time on my hands at the moment, I've been trawling the internet for random stuff. I stumbled across this video- the female praying mantis eating the head of her male partner just moments after mating. It got me thinking... what a wonderful talent! Or, how lucky she is. Think about the potential uses for this in the human world: bad lover... eat his head; he makes you sleep in the wet patch after doing the deed... eat his head; comes stumbling in drunk hours after he promised to be home... eat his head! I guess, the only problem is finding a suitable replacement. It gives a whole new meaning to the term "man eater" though, doesn't it!
What other weird and wonderful exploits (sexploits?!) do our animal friends get up to? Or, what can our male counterparts learn from them?
- The female pig has orgasms that last for half an hour (lucky thing)
- Male seahorses carry their young and give birth to them (all men can learn from that!)
- Hyenas live in a female dominated society. Female Hyenas "the most masculinized females in the animal kingdom ". They have very high levels of hormones that are usually found in males. (wouldn't the world be wonderful if it was run by women?!)
- Snakes can see through their eyelids (handy for when you're pretending to be asleep)!
- Spare a thought for mice though- their average time doing it is only 5 secs! (might give some men a run for their money though!)
- An oyster changes sex several times during its life (handy for when you're at a gig and the queue to the men's is non-existent whilst the ladies' queue is 20 m long)
Mind you, when I read that a shark can give birth to as many as 70 baby sharks in a litter, maybe we don't have it that bad after all?
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Friday, January 19, 2007
Thursday, January 18, 2007
My six monthly tweak and peek!
Every 6 months or so, I get my breasts checked for various lumps, bumps and other general oddities. It's become a familiar routine that I call my grab and go, or my tweak and peek!
My other half, let's call him Maverick (!), fantasises that I'm being felt up in the doctor's surgery by some tall, Amazonian-like beauty; preferably a Scarlett Johansen lookalike. Or, more pertinently perhaps, he thinks it's a job for which he would be well qualified... provided he can choose his clients. No saggy ones please!
The reality however, is much different. There is nothing remotely exotic about a post meopausal woman, with more hair on her chin than a ZZ Top member, feeling your girls and smiling at the same time. Or perhaps there is- the old male doctor, way past his prime that lingers perhaps a tad too long, leers in at you and claims- "they're perfectly fine my dear". Oooh, it makes you shudder.
So, it got me thinking about all the indignities we suffer as women for the sake of our health, or worse, for the sake of beauty, and why we insist on holding steadfast to that mantra: "no pain, no gain".
Memorable medical moments of mine include a spur of the moment and oh so recent smear test ('cause that's how I get my jollies... !). I lay there, legs spread open and vulnerable to the world like an insect pinned to the board of an eager entomologist, while the doctor bumbled about muttering to himself "hmm, that's odd, I can't quite seem to find your cervix". I was asked to cough on demand, like a soldier enlisting for the army- apparently this would make my shy little cervix emerge from behind wherever she was hiding.
Needless to say, after coughing and bellowing like a bull on heat for a few minutes, my cervix appeared, coaxed out of the shadows, and I escaped relatively unharmed, yet with my dignity in tatters.
I have plenty more stories like this- being electrocuted by a sadistic nurse while the doctor played a particulalry violent game of Space Invaders inside me was especially memorable, and there are many more.
But, I invite you, my lady friends to share your thoughts on all things medical and beautiful and painful that we women brave. And yet we endure!
P.S: Oh- if you are worried about girl things- get it checked out straight away- see your gyno or Dr or check out these sites!
http://www.cancer.org.au/documents/Early_detection_breast_cancer_%20MAY04.pdf
http://www.cancer.org.au/default.cfm
My other half, let's call him Maverick (!), fantasises that I'm being felt up in the doctor's surgery by some tall, Amazonian-like beauty; preferably a Scarlett Johansen lookalike. Or, more pertinently perhaps, he thinks it's a job for which he would be well qualified... provided he can choose his clients. No saggy ones please!
The reality however, is much different. There is nothing remotely exotic about a post meopausal woman, with more hair on her chin than a ZZ Top member, feeling your girls and smiling at the same time. Or perhaps there is- the old male doctor, way past his prime that lingers perhaps a tad too long, leers in at you and claims- "they're perfectly fine my dear". Oooh, it makes you shudder.
So, it got me thinking about all the indignities we suffer as women for the sake of our health, or worse, for the sake of beauty, and why we insist on holding steadfast to that mantra: "no pain, no gain".
Memorable medical moments of mine include a spur of the moment and oh so recent smear test ('cause that's how I get my jollies... !). I lay there, legs spread open and vulnerable to the world like an insect pinned to the board of an eager entomologist, while the doctor bumbled about muttering to himself "hmm, that's odd, I can't quite seem to find your cervix". I was asked to cough on demand, like a soldier enlisting for the army- apparently this would make my shy little cervix emerge from behind wherever she was hiding.
Needless to say, after coughing and bellowing like a bull on heat for a few minutes, my cervix appeared, coaxed out of the shadows, and I escaped relatively unharmed, yet with my dignity in tatters.
I have plenty more stories like this- being electrocuted by a sadistic nurse while the doctor played a particulalry violent game of Space Invaders inside me was especially memorable, and there are many more.
But, I invite you, my lady friends to share your thoughts on all things medical and beautiful and painful that we women brave. And yet we endure!
P.S: Oh- if you are worried about girl things- get it checked out straight away- see your gyno or Dr or check out these sites!
http://www.cancer.org.au/documents/Early_detection_breast_cancer_%20MAY04.pdf
http://www.cancer.org.au/default.cfm
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